WELCOME to the NCCC Survivor section
Below in this Cancer Survivor section are the very personal stories from women battling cervical cancer and an "archive section" with a few of the past years' stories too. You may also submit your personal story on how you are battling issues related to your cervical cancer or persistent HPV disease.
While this section focuses in on cervical cancer survivors, there will also be comments from women that are battling persistent HPV precancerous lesions and cancer survivors' family members and friends too. As Mrs. Randi Kaye, the co-founder of the NCCC stated; "No one person is a statistic." Each person has their own personal battle. Each of us can focus in on HOPE and define HOPE within the context of our unique experiences.
The women in this section are the true heroes in the cervical cancer battle.
**Click here to add your story**
Posted By : Gina
Posted On : Jan 31 , 2012
I am days away from a final diagnosis. I am very scared. 7 months ago I completed three operations to correct my ulcerative colitis which went amazingly well. I had fought the disease for a decade. I am getting married in June. I just got promoted at work after ten years of worthless part time unskilled jobs and failed plans. No one ever wanted me for anything. I beat my disease, I got into my dream career, and I'm marrying the best person earth.
And now I have cervical cancer. Just when I started to see that life had a brighter side that didn't involve hospitals and failures, it begins again. I am angry at my parents for having children. I am angry at the guy who gave it to me. I have never had unprotected sex. Except, one night, we were together and wanted to have sex and didn't have any condoms. I told him I wouldn't do it without one, but eventually gave in and let him at least be inside me for about ten seconds and then pull back out. He was twice my age and had probably slept with a hundred women in his life. He had bipolar disorder and probably had sex with prostitutes while manic. I will never know because he is dead now, from suicide. It's a piece of my past I wish I could take back. Who knew ten seconds in a long history of diligent responsibility could be so catastrophic? Who knew?
I feel punished. I don't want to leave my fiance alone on this Earth. We need each other to get through the next fifty years. It isn't fair. I don't want to die. I don't know how advanced the cancer is but since I didn't find out until having pink watery discharge and a foul smell, I'm guessing it's not early. They say if you wait until symptoms show, then it is probably advanced and may not be curable.
I am so scared. I don't want to leave this Earth yet. I'm not ready. There's so much I wanted to do. There seems like so much possibility for me. Why would God take me from the Earth? What did I do wrong?
Posted By : Angie
Posted On : Jan 29 , 2012
Hi Christina -
I've been wanting to share my story online and have read numerous boards but for some reason felt compelled to respond to your comments/concerns. I hope you will feel better after reading this :).
I was diagnosed with HPV at the age of 21 (I'm 30 now). At the time, I had no health ins. and just had an exam at Planned Parenthood b/c I had developed a case of the outer warts (I know, ick). I had them treated with acid therapy, and never had another outbreak of them.
Since then, I've been fairly regular with my Paps, and had probably at least 4 abnormal ones. I've had 3 successful pregnancies. My gyno from my home state (I've since moved) was a GREAT doctor - I told him about the HPV from the get-go when I started seeing him when I was 22 - and I feel confident (or trying to) that he would have suggested further treatment/proceedings if necessary.
A little over a year ago, I again had no health insurance and 3 small children. I had a low-cost Pap/visit at the local health dept., and was called a few weeks later by a technician who recommended that I get a colposcopy. I'd heard the term before, and was vaguely familiar with it, but was struggling with some personal issues (severe depression being one of them!) and did not follow up. I let it go. For a YEAR.
Fast-forward to Jan. of this year (this month). My health ins. kicked in and I immediately scheduled an appt. with a gyno. After my Pap, a phone call confirmed my fear that I was still not out of the woods (my Pap was LGSIL, which means I had some low-grade lesions on my cervix) and she recommended the colpo. I was freaking out so badly on the phone with her that she let me come in that same day to have it done. I could tell from her absence of chit-chat during the procedure that all was not fine and dandy in there...a biopsy was sent off and I tried to prepare myself for the interminable wait. As a (unfortunately) pessimist by nature, I was dreading the worst...invasive, incurable cervical cancer.
The biopsy was sent off on a Friday, and the dr. had told me she\'d try to rush the results. The rest of Friday was pretty much nightmarish. I prayed that day, ALOT - if only for God to calm my mind and heart so my kids and husband would not be affected by my fears in the meantime. My husband told me that the next day would be better, (and it WAS), and that I\'d probably get scared again the night before I was supposed to find out. By the way - God did answer my prayer positively, and I was able to keep it together.....until.....
Monday night for some reason, I was having a terrible time getting to sleep, and my fears were attacking again. The following morning was even worse. I was a bundle of nervous energy and I probably got 3 loads of laundry and a ton of cleaning done in between taking care of my two toddlers. I checked my phone every 5 min. At one point, I saw I'd missed a call and went straight to check the voicemail. It was my dr. and you should have HEARD her tone as she spoke. The best way I can describe it is despondent/sad/pitying. My heart DROPPED.
Immediately I called the office, and of course, she was with a patient. My next 15 minutes were simply spent undergoing one horribly long panic attack. I called my husband first, my best friend, and my mom. What I remember mostly saying over and over is, "She sounded BAD, mom - she sounded really bad." And she did - she certainly did.
During my conversation with my best friend, the dr. called and when I clicked over, I heard some news that sounded fantastic to my ears: I had mild dysplasia. From what I've gathered online and through my dr. is that dysplasia is cells which have changed and are technically precancerous. However, in the majority of women who do have mild dysplasia, the condition resolves itself with NO treatment in up to 2 years. In my case, I\'d already been suggested a colpo over a year ago, so my dr. decided to go ahead and treat mine with TCA - the same type of acid, actually, which was used when I had the outer outbreak years before.
I guess I've gone into such detail b/c I've been GREATLY helped and reassured by the detailed stories of other women on these boards who are facing/battling/beating this cervical cancer stuff. The most helpful thing my best friend said to me on the phone that day while I waited for news that I was sure to be horrible was this: "You know what - say it is what you think it is. It's cancer. Who knows what stage it's in and what they can do to treat it?"...etc. That question combined with the stories online of women who've been much further down the cervical cancer road than I have, has done alot to bolster my spirits about this.
I now know that I have one of the higher risk HPV types. So I\'m loading up on dark leafy greens, and starting on some multivitamins with folic acid. There\'s not much more we can do, except avoid smoking and just generally try to live a healthy lifestyle and avoid stress.
I just encourage you to stay vigilant with your Paps. If it's any consolation, I've had many friends/acquaintances come out of the woodwork as I've shared my very recent experience who have told me that they were in the same boat as I am, and after their treatment, their Paps resumed normal. I'm praying that's the case with me (I won't know for about 6-8 wks as I just had the TCA procedure done last Fri.). If it isn't though, at least I have the wisdom and experience of all the women who've gone before and been so kind and vulnerable as to share their stories with us. For a hypochondriac and biologically-based depressed person such as me, those testaments have been a Godsend.
I hope that everything works out for you. I don't think HPV is a death sentence. At least you know and can stay on top fo it. As a nurse told me a few days ago, many people never know they have it, or only find out after waiting years to get checked and by then it's too late.
One more quick thing (I know this post has been anything but quick - sorry!) - my favorite dr. who is very familiar with my struggles with anxiety and depression recommended a book for me. It's called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" and it's by Dale Carnegie. The author's renowned for his research and publications aimed at improving businesses, but I think this was a little foray of his into more of a personal psychology book. Anyway, I just picked up the book today and have yet to read it but I trust this dr. implicitly (a HUGE deal for me) and I'm thinking/hoping I'll find some tips to help me through this struggle. Just a thought if you or anyone else reading this happens to be a reader. :)
Posted By : Tony Ngai
Posted On : Jan 27 , 2012
Marlene,
Just last week my girlfriend has been diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. Yesterday She just had a tissue removed from her cervix for more analysis. We are not sure which stage she is at until next week.
Just like you, she is 48 now and a mother of 2. During these 4 years she didn't get a pap smear until two weeks ago. She is very depressed and scared. I would like to help her through this but I am a bit lost as well and don't have the experience or expertise. I was wondering if you would have time to reach out to her and share your experiences such that it may give her strength and hope.
Please let me know Marlene. Thank you!
All,
Thanks for sharing your stories. You are all very brave!
Posted By : Kate D.
Posted On : Jan 27 , 2012
I feel weird choosing myself as a "Cancer Survivor" because when I think of someone who truly is a survivor, I think of the endless treatments of chemo and feeling like you may or may not make it. I'm not sure many people realize that pre-cancer is fortunately found far before it can transpire to cancer.
I was 17 when I found out I had CINIII. I had only lost my virginity maybe 6 months prior and had only been with one person, so I was quite surprised. I had the LEEP cone biopsy (I guess they do the LEEP a little differently than I had it done like) and it was definitely a scary thing as I had to go into day surgery (couldn't be done in the office at that time) and had to go under. Before having the LEEP, I had a colposcopy and cryotherapy (now THAT was the most painful thing ever). I had follow up tests after which came out clear and then maybe 2 years later, began having abnormal paps coming back.
I can't tell you how many colpos I've had now and how long this seemingly endless ordeal has gone one....
I do know however that about a year and a half ago, I received questionable results on my persistent abnormal paps. My gyno then referred me over to a gynecologist. She was really informative and said that in most cases, she would suggest another LEEP but since I am so young (27), that she doesn't want to do it again if I don't have to.
My argument is - take it all out! LOL I've been dealing with this medical and emotional rollercoaster for a decade now and it's just very depressing. I had a daughter about 3 years ago, so for all of you who think you may not be able to hold a pregnancy, you will. :-) I was closely followed by my doctor and was able to see ultrasounds every month as they checked my cervix length. I didn't mind because most people only get to see their babies on ultrasounds a couple times!
I ended up giving birth to my daughter 6 weeks early, which was also a difficult thing but my doctors assure me that it had nothing to do with my cervix. I am hoping for a good progosis when I see my doctor next but with how I've been feeling and the other symptoms, I'm pretty confident it won't be good. Just would like for it to be over soon... I've paid my dues!
I give major credit to those who have had invasive cancer that had to go through that awful chemo and so forth - you truly are the heroes!
Posted By : Christina S.
Posted On : Jan 22 , 2012
Hello ladies,
I learned Friday the 20th of Jan. that I had an abnormal pap and HPV. I am 24 yrs old, a wife, and a mother. I don't really know how to feel or what to think and would like some advice on that. Also, maybe a few correct questions that I should ask my doctor. I've spent all weekend crying, researching and stressing out and frankly I don't know if the way I feel is ok. I would just like to be reassured that the stress, anxiety, and slight depression is normal this soon. I know that no matter what happens I have faith God and will give me the strength to overcome but it's really hard to remember that right now. Thank you in advance!
God bless,
Christina
Posted By : MARLENE
Posted On : Jan 21 , 2012
I WAS 48 WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED I HADN,T BEEN SCREENED FOR 12 YEARS SINCE I HAD MY LAST CHILD. IT WAS HARD AND I HAD A LOT OF SIDE EFFECTS. I AM NOW IN MY THIRD YEAR SINCE TREATMENT STOPPED AND DOING GREAT NOW AND I WOULD SAY TO ANYONE WHO IS BEGINNING TREATMENT, "STAY STRONG, IT WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END."
Posted By : Brittany
Posted On : Jan 19 , 2012
Almost three years ago back in 2008 I received the first abnormal pap of my life when i was pregnant. The doctor informed me that i woud need to get a colposcopy but couldn't at the time because i was pregnant. I continue to have nothing but abnormal paps a year later. After my pregnanacy I was having some discomfort in my lower area and my obgyn told me that I didn't have an std or anything but i was tested positive for HPV. Being a biology major student at the time, I knew exactly what hpv was and that there was no cure to get rid of it. I was mad at the world, at life, at making love, i was trying to find where did i go wrong at. I got scared and did not go back to my doctor until months later, and it had got to stage 2 (CIN 1&2). I was told that i needed a LEEP procedure immediately. I got the LEEP done in April last year. It is January 19, 2012 and ladies i am so honored to let you know that i had a follow up pap smear ( the first one after the LEEP) and do you know my results were normal!!!! I dont know if you all believe in God , dont believe in God, Christian , Baptist, catholic, or whatever, I know that , that was God, it had to be. I'm taking everyday a step at a time and this 22 year old is moving forward. Be bless.
Posted By : laura
Posted On : Jan 18 , 2012
I am 21years old just got my results and I have high graded precancerous cells. The nurse told me that they believe that they got everthing after the leep. But now I am worried. I have a 2 year old and I am nursing school. Should I take vitamins and vitamin e supplement. I don\'t know what to do anymore. I first had sex when I was 18 then got married. I got a div orce in augu st 2011. My ex was 9 years older. Now I look back and wish it never happened but at the same time I am glad that I have such a beautiful daughter. What Advice do you all have for me.
Posted By : Stacey
Posted On : Jan 18 , 2012
I am 20 years old, and have been following up on abnormal paps for three years now. I have had three colposcopies in that time, with a consistent diagnosis of CIN II each time. Just today, I received my third colpo and, after examining me under the microscope, my doctor informed me that it had become "quite extensive." The abnormal cells have now spread to the entire circumference of my cervix.
I feel terribly frustrated, because I pushed the idea of going ahead with a LEEP this time last year when the virus seemed to be acting up. My mother and doctor both convinced me that it would not be necessary. But- two years ago, I had jumped two stages (from nothing to CIN II) in three months time, and from my doctor's explanation today I'm terrified that it has transgressed into cancer.
I realize that if my biopsy comes back as CIN III I will be given a LEEP. This is what I'm hoping for. However, if it's worse... I want children terribly. More than anything. Not now, of course. But I would be devastated to have that privilege taken from me. If any of you know anything about surgery options that permit pregnancy, please e-mail me at a412730@yahoo.com.
Best of luck to all of you.
Posted By : Trinity Roddam
Posted On : Jan 17 , 2012
Hey lovely ladies. My name is Trinity and I am 24 years old. I married my sweet husband 10 months ago and I love him so much. Growing up I had dated on and off but swore to myself I would not have sex until marriage. I did just that, however I did go a little too far a few times but never sex. However I am not dismissing that. Any who...right before we got married I had an iud put in because my friend loved hers and I was not keen on taking the pill. They did a pap smear and this was my first pap smear I had ever gotten at this point. Everything came back normal. After having sex the first time with my husband I remember for a few weeks after I would have horrid discharge but thought it was because of the iud cus I had never experienced anything like this before sex or the iud. That subsided after a few weeks. The only other thing I can remember about any abnormality throughout my early 20\'s I would get knock down cramps the first day of my period that lasted about 2 hours then I would be fine. I didn\'t really consider this abnormal just really inconvenient. Any who... This December I had one little abnormal spotty discharge right around the time of ovulation which alerted me because I have never had spotty discharge and I also decided I wanted to find a gyno who I could be with into childbearing and so I went to a recommended dr here in town. He did a pap smear and an ultrasound for some pinching pain I was having. The ultra sound came back fine and then a few weeks before Christmas I got a call saying my smear was abnormal and read high risk 16/18 hpv+ lsil is what they told me. He said I would need a colpo and so a few days later I went in to get this done. It came back cin1 and I have been told to wait six months in hopes that \"my body will rid it\" which is what I was told might happen. I am very concerned about this and I am trying to think back throughout the years to see if I can recall any symptoms cus right now I just can\'t trust anything, did I just get hpv from my husband?. .or have I had it for awhile?. . and could there be more cells deeper in my cervix that my dr is missing? I have been having low back pain that raps around my right side for about 3 months now and also cracking rib pain. I am trying not to worry and trust that my results are as the dr has said but I can\'t help but wonder if my back pain is at all related..? Is there anyone who might be able to give me some advice? Should I get a second opinion on Everything? Thanks so much.
